**looks around** Where did March go? I distinctly remember celebrating Leap Year and suddenly it's past Easter and nearly April Fools... It's the snow, I'm sure of it. Who heard of snow after Spring Equinox? Snow is /so/ out of context for me this time of year.
Seriously, though, between the getting ready for Easter and the family crises big and small, plus the project I'm working on (that sadly, I can't share much about here...yet) it's been a crazy month. I've gotten some good work done - rewrites of older material but new possible venues, so that makes for happy.
It was good to work on material for submission again, having a definite goal in mind, selecting the pieces, shaping them into things I thought would match their aesthetic. I hit that place, though, where it all looks close to being finished, but not really /feeling/ finished. It seemed easier to walk away, but I know I need to get into that practice of shaping and submitting material so it seems as natural as breathing.
I'm learning to be comfortable with risk. I'm reading “Take the Risk: Learning to Identify, Choose, and Live with Acceptable Risk” by Ben Carson and its helping me know that there are different kinds of risk and that avoiding risk doesn't guarantee safety. Carson speaks of how in the US we've created a culture afraid of risks and therefore are unaccustomed to evaluating risks with a measure of wisdom. Avoidance seems 'safer' than failure.
A friend recently said to me, in a completely different context: "There (comes) a time that we wish to be more than who we are. To realize that we *can* be (what we aspire to become)." While another quipped: "...the risk is probably worth the taking--if you know who it is you want to be."
I know I want to be a successful writer – paid, published, and prolific – and I know that my big project will help me reach that goal by challenging me to expand my writing and take more risks. I can't afford any longer to let the fear of failure continue to hold me back. Who I 'be' is a writer and everything I do must reflect that commitment.