12/28/2007

Doomsday

Okay...I admit the title is overboard, but with the rolling of the year, I'm in that medieval mental space where all things are coming to an end and all things need to be accounted for somehow.

I started 2007 stretching and testing my poetic self, getting deep into communities. Now I'm ending 2007 with preparating to stretch and test my memoir self, getting deeply introspective and hermitish.

In putting together my pieces, I'm trying to keep in mind the ideas of conflict. A MFA program director I spoke with recently mentioned that they were looking for writers who were 'adults' meaning people who had failed and more importantly /knew/ that they had failed. I found this to be a much better definition of adulthood than the usual "lived long enough to have experience" with its implied ageism.

Conflict makes for good storytelling and conflicts often stem from fears - what are we afraid of? What have we done to run from the fear and how has that made a mess of things? How have we turned around and faced those fears and redeemed those moments of failure?

There's the shrinking fear and tben there's avarice, the fear of /not/ having, of not getting. These are the shadow spaces of ourselves, the vampires and aswangs, the demons we'd rather Other than own as part of ourselves.

These are themes for the novel too, spaces I need to pin down - what does each character fear? How do their encounters with the slaver spirit/aswang bring these to the surface and how do they redeem themselves? How do they act their fears and how do they rise above them, or not? All coupled with the ideas of mutated viruses...

Still much to stitch up with my apps, but I'm getting close to submitting them. I'm excited and frightened, but focusing on trusting the process, trusting that the journey will take me where I hope.

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